"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD" (Prov. 13:20 )

The Joy of Marriage

When God had made Adam, He said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). What God had said was not good in regard to man,God solved by creating  a wife for him, thus completing man. Perhaps more than any other book of the Bible, Proverbs reaffirms God’s blessing in providing the marriage relationship. "House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD" (19:14). "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies" (31:1). "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth" (5:18).

And yet as true as all this is, the wise man also reminds us that finding a decent person to spend your life with is no easy task. To assist the process he notes the finest qualities to look for in both men and women.

The Desirable Qualities in a Husband

"Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find? The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him." (20:6,7). For a man to be a good husband, he must do more than just make promises – he must already be "walking in his integrity."

Wisdom:"Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches" (24:3,4).

Controlled Temper: "It is an honor for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling" (20:3; also 10:12; 14:17).

A Good Name: "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold" (22:1).

Diligent Worker: "Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men" (22:29; also 6:6-11).

Honest: "He that profits illicitly troubles his own house" (15:27; also 10:2).

A Balanced Attitude About Money: "The rich man's wealth is his strong city: the destruction of the poor is their poverty" (10:15). "Riches profit not in the day of wrath: but righteousness delivereth from death" (11:4).

Conversation Under Control: "The wicked is snared by the transgression of his lips: but the just shall come out of trouble. A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth: and the recompense of a man's hands shall be rendered unto him. He that speaketh truth showeth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit. There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment" (12:13,14,17,18; 15:23).

Strong in Times of Trouble: "If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief" (24:10, 16). "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint" (25:19).

Merciful, Not Cruel: "The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh" (19:11).

Willing to Hear Advice: "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established" (15:22). "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning" (9:8,9).

Committed: "As a bird that wandereth from her nest, so is a man that wandereth from his place" (27:8).

The Desirable Qualities in a Wife

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones" (12:4). "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life" (31:12). Her reputation influences the reputation of her husband. "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land" (31:23).

Wisdom:"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands" (14:1). "As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion" (11:22).

Respects Privacy: "A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter" (11:13).

Words of Encouragement: "Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad" (12:25). "The light of the eyes rejoiceth the heart: and a good report maketh the bones fat" (15:30).

Not Contentious: "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." (21:9,19; 25:24; 27:15; also19:13).

Industrious: "She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant" (31:16,24).

Takes Care of Family "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness" (31:27). "She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet" (31:13-19,21).

Acts and Speaks With Kindness: "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy" (31:20). "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness" (31:26 "Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones" (16:24). "A gracious woman retaineth honor" (11:16).

Physical and Spiritual Clothing: "She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Strength and honor are her clothing" (31:22,25).

Fears the Lord: "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates" (31:28-31).

Questions:

1. Why do you think these qualities of good husbands and good wives are listed in Proverbs?

2. What was Solomon’s own personal history with the husband-wife    relationship?

3. How important do you think it is to encourage young people to marry fellow Christians?

4. Proverbs 31 contains a list of qualities of the excellent wife; why do you think he did not include a specific list for the excellent husband?

5. How can a person be sure that their prospective mate possesses such qualities?

[Introduction to Proverbs] 
[Lesson 1-The Value of Wisdom]     [Lesson 2-What it Means to be a Fool]
  [Lesson 3- Relationship with God] [Lesson 4- Relationship with  Fellowman]  [
[Lesson 6-Problem of Adultery]  [Lesson 7- Parent/Child Relationship]
[Lesson 8-Government ] [Lesson 9 - Money_Labor.html]
[Lesson 10-Self-Control]   [Lesson 11-Rewards/Consequences]

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Page last updated: March 03, 2003